Gottem.

“Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it does.”

-Nicholas Sparks <3

I adoreeee this quote.

Lately, the devil was trying so hard to get me down and draw me away from the Lord.

But HA, no way ol' devil. Take that somewhere else.

Stop throwing your obstacles at me, because with God, I can jump all of them.

And I have. Everything that was bogging me down, worries that were plaguing my mind, are ALL GONE.

 I didn't think things could get any worse. A ticket, trouble with College Chemistry, just plain down.

But once I started looking at the good things in life, I realized that those things were within God's control to fix, to change. So after praying, I felt enabled. I tackled those worries and problems, and took them down. BOOM. Gottem.

And now, I doubt things could get ANY better. Things are just going so good, and everything's falling back into place.

It's amazing how when you just take everything to God, start looking at the positive things in life, and taking charge in a positive Godly way, things get so much better.

I just don't think things could get any better, but on second thought, it can/will/is.

Sometimes...

You just gotta say you're sorry.
It's as simple, and as difficult as that.
Why is it that we find it so hard to just apologize and rectify the situations at hand? It's hard, I admit, sometimes, because we think we're right, and they're wrong.
But here's the thing. We're BOTH wrong if we continue to let things go on the way they do, without apologizing. Without forgiving.
"Apologizing doesn't always mean that you're wrong and the other person is right. Sometimes it means that you value your relationship more than your ego."
So I'm apologizing. You know who you are. I know you read these sometimes.There's more than one person I'm addressing this to. To the people I've needed to, but haven't apologized to.
But to you, specifically, I sent you a message, and you never replied. So I'll humble myself a little further, and publicly say it.
I'm sorry. Wholeheartedly, sincerely, completely sorry. I only wish for forgiveness, and for us to start repairing the damage.
I'm sorry for being a little blind.
I'm sorry for holding a grudge.
I'm sorry for not forgiving.
I'm sorry for not doing this before now.
I'm sorry for being such a little person.
I'm sorry for not being there.
I'm sorry for not listening enough.
I'm sorry for not giving you the advice I knew was meant for you.
I'm sorry for not saying I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not doing it sooner.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not on some pity trip, I'm not out to get attention, or to start anything.
I simply wanted you, yes, you, to know that I am really sorry.

Search My Heart

I love the thought of God searching our hearts. He knows them. Inside and out, knows our hearts. The good, the bad, the ugly... He loves us anyways. He wants the best for us, He wants what He has planned for us, not what the old devil tries to trick us into thinking will makes us happy, or content.
The only true happiness and contentness comes from being in His will.
He searches our hearts. He knows us.
I love that God knows me better than I know myself.

Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Jeremiah 29:13: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."
Luke 12:34: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

I love that God knows my heart. He knows it better than I do.
He knows what we need, what we want, what we desire.
He also has a plan for us, a will for our lives. Perfect, true, wonderful.

Search my heart, O' Lord. You know me inside and out. You made me, and You alone know the plans that You have for me. Make my ways straight and true. Make my ways Yours. Make my will, Yours. I love you, Lord.

Search my heart.

Psalms 51

"How many times should we ask for forgiveness?" "What things should we ask for forgiveness for?" "Why do we need to ask for forgiveness?" "Why do I keep sinning, even though I'm saved?"

These questions were all on a forum, and as I read them, my heart broke a little. For the saved, but confused. We've all been there at one time or another. What we were taught growing up conflicts with what we read in the Bible, or what someone told us in Sunday School now applies a little differently as adults, or young adults. It happens to me sometimes, but I know to seek out the answers in the Bible, and from God.
So, when I saw that these people were struggling with the topic of forgiveness, that's the first place I went. To God. I asked Him, Lord, am I to answer their questions? hoping He'd say no, so I could go to sleep, and then I just felt that I was supposed to get up and go read Psalms 51. Okay, Lord, I'll look it up. And I did. I suggested it to them, and one girl emailed back - "That's perfect. God's word is always true and right. Thanks for sharing that, it cleared up so many questions."

I think, no, I know, that God wanted me to read it too. Not just wanted, but needed me to read it. I needed to read and understand it.

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight; so You are right in Your verdict and justified when You judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Yet You desired faithfulness even in the womb; You taught me wisdom in that secret place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." -Psalms 51:1-12

God, have mercy on me. I love that. I love praying that, when my heart just cries it out without my mind really having to think it. According to His unfailing love and great compassion, blot out my transgressions. Forgive my sins, Father. Wash them away, cast them as far as the East is from the West, cleanse me and my soul, fogive me of my sins, Abba, though I am not worthy. I beg, I plead, I ask, I beseech, I get down on my face before You.  I know my sins, I am convicted of them, I know that I have sinned against You, and done what is evil in Your sight. You are right, and true in Your role as High Judge, the only Judge. I was born into a sinful world, born into sin myself, but You've always wanted more for me. You wanted faithfulness from the beginning, and You taught me from a young age. I have strayed, like the prodigal son, but I'm coming back to the heart of You. Cleanse me, Lord. Make me new, and white as snow through the blood of Jesus. It is only becaues of Him that I can be forgiven. And I'm thankful everyday for Him. Create in me a pure heart, Jesus, renew the spirit within me. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Restore me.

I love Psalms 51. I've been going through it the past few days. Parts of it play throughout my mind most of the day, and I offer up a little prayer each time.

The best part is, even though we sin, purposefully or not, we need not to be constantly asking for forgiveness, because Jesus died for sins past, present, and future. When we accept Christ, He forgives all of our sins. But, if He convicts you, like He's done me, to let Him break your heart over the sin in your life, to remind you that you are a sinner saved by grace through faith, let Him. Let Him get you flat on your face, praying for forgiveness. Because when you do, it will change things.
It'll change the way you act, think, talk, pray, live.
He's amazing, in all of His wonderful ways.
His unfailing love and great compassion amazes me.

Mondays

will be the death of me.
If it's not one thing, it's another. And it's frustrating sometimes. I'm not perfect. I get frustrated, confused, upset, angry, sad, hurt, and sometimes all of the above, all at once.
So and so said this. So and so did that. So and so is trying to do that. So and so isn't being nice. Etc., etc. I could list them all, but the things that people around me are doing that (granted, I'm allowing them to do) are affecting me, are petty. They are small and insignificant. I won't allow the devil to get a foothold in my heart through these things. Because if I sit here, and allow myself to seeth, grow more and more angry, or upset, or hurt, then the devil gets that part. He can use that, and make it grow. Make it bigger than it really is. Make it more important. Then, I'm focusing on those things, the things that don't matter, rather than the things that DO matter. God's wonderful and perfect things? Or Satan's dark and harmful things? It sounds like an easy choice. And yet... Our minds and hearts so often dwell on the drama, on the problems, on the troubles, on the worries.
Not today. Not now. NOW is God's time. From now on. Turn it over to Him. Get on your knees, (on your face before Him if need be) and lay it all at His feet. That means to imagine your problem, worry, etc. in a bag, and dropping it off, and walking away. He'll take care of you, and your troubles. And everytime it comes to your mind, pray about it. Give it to Him. Over and over, until you find that you are no longer burdened by it. We were not made to be pack mules. Give your troubles and worries and problems over to Him, and experience a sense of freedom in the hedge of His protection. And then, give thanks. For that fact that He is there, that He has given us another day to live, that He gives us things in our lives to make us happy, that He loves us so much, enough to send His Son to die for us. How often lately have we stopped, dropped our probelms at His feet, and looked around at all He has blessed us with? And then thanked Him for it?
Not often enough, on my part.
Lord, I thank you. I'm so grateful. More than grateful.

For storm clouds, that paint a beautiful, breath-taking picture in the sky.

For much much needed rain, however small or large the amount. Still grateful. (Also, the smell of rain. Lovely.)

For boys with big muscles, and even bigger hearts, who always try to keep everyone they know safe and happy.

For men who aren't afraid to step up and be the dads their kids need them to be, and tell their kids that they love them. (And take pictures with them.)

For sisters who STILL let you borrow their shoes. :)

For the sweetest mommas, who let you call them every single day even though they're busy, and are constantly praying for their kids, home and far away. For mommas whose hugs and kisses are medicine. For mommas who tell their kids they love them. (And take pictures with them.)

For reminders of God's promises. (And beautiful places to live and go to school.)

For animals of God's creation, sweet and loving.

For not just one, but TWO places to call home.

God, I am more than grateful. More than thankful. I'm counting all the blessings and gifts, but I know that they are truly innumerable. I love you, Lord. Keep alive the fire within me, please I beg you. Let me be a light. Break me, empty me out, build me up, fill me up, and use me.

I love you, Lord.

"Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you, and insult you, and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of God. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in Heaven." -Luke 6:22-23 <3

"Create in me a pure heart, O' God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence, or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." -Psalms 51:10-12 <3

Dream Pet

I have a tiny little confession.
I desperately want a teacup pig.

I raised a pig (full-size) once, for FFA. Saddest thing ever, I really loved that piggy. And she ended up being sold. BUT this is different. I want one of these precious things as a pet. :) Forever. They only get to be about 14 inches tall, and 30-45 lbs, full grown. I would love one of these little babies one day. Soon. As soon as I get out of this stinking dorm. :) I would love on these cutie pies forever.

How adorable. Be still my heart. They are the perfect little pets, and very intelligent. You can kid, dog, cat and house train them. They're sweet and loving and I just know that one of these adorable munchkins will be mine one day. <3

So, if there was any question as to what I wanted for my 20th birthday (not this year, but next) there should be no doubt in anyone's mind. :) (Hint, hint, Colton Reese Daniel Williams.) I would save up the $350 for HOWEVER long it takes to get to adopt one of these little babies, but to get one as a gift for my birthday, especially from someone almost (okay, defintiely) as adorable and sweet as these little babies?
       That would be a dream (pet) come true.

Glorify Him

I love this song so much. My heart and mouth (though I'm sick) have been singing it all day, and will likely be singing it all week. It's a Kari Jobe song called "You Are For Me" and what I love so much about it is how she pours her heart out for the Lord. For HIS glory, not her own. So even though my throat is sore, my nose is stuffy, and it may not sound good to human ears, I'm not singing it for them. I'm singing it for Him. To glorify Him. Because He is faithful, constant, loving, true, powerful, patient, gracious, merciful, true, and wonderful, among so many more things. He fills me. He will never forsake me in my weakness. He sees me, He knows my every move. He loves for me to sing to Him (sick or not). He loves for me to glorify Him in what I do. I don't always, but I'm trying. So hard, everyday. He comes and writes upon my heart, writes and hides His word there. I love that so much. He's constantly reminding me who He is. Abba, Lord, the Most High, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my Creator, my Savior, my First Love, the Head of the Church, the Rock, the Holy One, Alpha and Omega, the Lion and the Lamb, the Crucified One, the Sacrifice, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. With His help, it's so much easier. I've been constantly talking to Him, praying to Him. I love Him, and He loves me. Be still my heart.
He is for me.

"So faithful, so constant, so loving and so true. So powerful, in all You do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move, and You love for me to sing to You. I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness, and I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me who are You are. So patient, so gracious. So merciful and true. So wonderful in all You do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move, and You love for me to sing to You. Lord, I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness, and, I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me, Lord. I know that You are for me, I KNOW THAT YOU ARE FOR ME. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness, and I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me who You are... Lord, I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me who You are."

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." -Romans 15:5-6

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds, and glorify your Father in Heaven." -Matthew 5:14-16

"Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

Courage

The definition of courage is this:

• The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

The STATE or QUALITY of MIND or SPIRIT that ENABLES one to face... everything.

The definition of enable is this:

• to make able; give power, means, competence, or abillity to.

God is the great enabler. He enables us to do the things we need to do, even if they're not what we want to do. HE enables us to face danger. HE enables us to face fear. HE enables us to be brave. He enables us to be full of courage. He makes us able. He gives us power. He gives us the means. He gives us the competence. He gives us the ability.

As not just a Christian, but someone who strives daily to be more Godly, I feel so full of courage sometimes. Like David facing Goliath. And yet at others so lacking, like Jonah, who ran away. Why do I feel so lacking? Because I'm cutting myself off from Him. I'm not allowing Him to fully fill me up. I'm holding back.
Why do we hold back, from the very one who created us? Are we scared? Probably.
But if we just stop. Just stop being afraid! Stop holding back, from the very one who just wants us to come to Him, just as we are, and allow Him to fill us up with His very Spirit. The enabling spirit. He will enable us. To do anything, everything. He will not only give us courage, He will fill us up with courage.

Ambrose Redmoon once said, "Courage is not the abscence of fear, but rather, the judgement that something else is more important than fear."

Isn't what God wants and desires for us so much more important than the fears that are holding us back?
NO MORE HOLDING BACK. Lord, shine Your light, shine it this way. Lord, let Your light shine through me.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? " -Psalms 27:1

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

"For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we may boldly say: 'The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?' " -Hebrews 13:5-6

"Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." -1 Peter 3:13-14

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men (and women) of courage; be strong." -1 Corinthians 16:13

First Week of College!

For those who read this, this was my first full week at college! :) It's been a blast. I'm done with classes for the week, and ready to RELAX.
But first, I thought I'd catch up. :)

This is my dorm room. My roomie, Jennifer and I went to high school together and requested each other. I love this dorm building, and this hall, they're AWESOME. :)

And as I started walking around campus more for classes and whatnot, the more in love I fell with this place. This town and school are wonderful, I love it.

Been doing ALOT of walking, and while my legs are feeling it every night, I'm starting to love it, really.

However, how CUTE is this bike? Adorable or what? :)

There's also work. Alot of it. Not so much I can't handle it though. And I love to learn new things, it's so exciting. :)

Then, I went out to graffiti night, where you meet people, sign their shirts, talk, hang, whatever really. It was SO much fun. Jenn and I had a blast. :)

I LOVE MY NEW BOOTS. They are too cute, and tooooo comfty!!! :)

Been skyping with the fam as often as possible. Realllllly miss them, and some friends back home.

This is my new baby. (Not new new, but new to me.)

I love it. I was soooooo blessed to recieve this as a gift from a very sweet lady (cough, cough Lisa) who is always encouraging me, and continues to help me improve my photography skills, and enhancing my eye for photography. She's wonderful, and this gift was an amazinngggg blessing. I absolutely adore it.

Also, both of my lenses. They are amazing each in their own ways. :) Love love love love them!

Sooooooo blesssed.

And this is my new tattoo (like 8 hours old new) it's also my first one. Honestly, didn't hurt that bad, and I LOVE it. The guy drew it up right there, so it's one of a kind. It says, "Like a lily among the thorns, so is my darling among the madiens." Isn't it just beautiful that God looks down on us, like lilies among the thorns. Like darlings among the madiens. Amazing, and beautiful. That we are sinners, forgiven only because of His Son, and His amazing grace, and not through anything we could ever do. And yet, He sees His children as lilies, beautiful forgiven people among the prickly or "ugly" sin in the world, becasue we believe in who His Son is, and what He did for us. And because we fight the fight daily, and try to live our lives daily for Him.   (Thank you Jesus, from my whole heart. I don't desere it, but God's love is unconditional, amazing, without time or limit, so unlike my own. But I love you, the Most High King.)

Everytime I look at it, I am reminded. :)

I AM LOVED.

Going to bed tonight, loved by the Most High King of Kings.

Makes my heart happy, and my cup full, to overflowing.