The Silver Lining.

"Remember, no matter how dark it seems, every cloud has a silver lining."
I took this picture yesterday, on my phone, (an oldddd iPhone, sorry for the quality) as soon as I pulled up to church because I saw it. I saw this "silver lining" around this dark cloud. I didn't see how much it applied to what was going on in my life until later.
My heart's been absolutely hurting lately. The tears won't stop sometimes. I feel alone, until I'm reminded that God is there, and my family, and some friends. So, why do I still feel this hurt?
 But:
Did you ever walk up to a group or a couple of people, and KNOW that they were talking about you? Because of the hush, or whatever?
Did you ever feel sad as you walk in a room, and only a few people say hello?
Did you ever feel left out, because your friends only wanted you around sometimes, and not other times?
Did you ever feel like you've lost your friends, and had no idea what you did, but continued to apologize, because you just want that friendship back?
Did you ever apologize for something, and was greeted with not an acceptance, but a hurtful comment?
Did you ever cry yourself to sleep, because one, or all of these things happened in one day?
So:
Why do we treat our friends this way? Why do we judge, hold grudges, become selective about which friends we want around at which times, or which ones we talk to, and which ones we don't? Why do we say, "We need to pray for this person because..." and continue to gossip, rather than just leave it at that? Why do we only say hello to the people we "like" at that moment? Why do we not notice when people around us are hurting because of our actions? I know I'm not perfect. I've done some of these things. And much as the guilt hits and hurts, it hurts SO much also, to be on the other end of it.
But God is sufficient. More than sufficient. His grace is amazing. He is my rock, my shelter, my stronghold, my hiding place. He's given me my best friend to lean on and pray with, family who listens, supports, and help me, and an amazing lady, who's always ready to listen, pray, and help in any way.
Well:
 Some that helped...

• The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 

• We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair ... - 2 Corinthians 4:8 :)

• Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. - Psalm 23:4 :)
  

• The LORD Your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6

• I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow.  - Jeremiah 31:13

• Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30

• Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. - 1 Peter 5:7

And: He's amazing. I just have to keep praying. Trust that these things will work out and be okay again. That I won't lose years-long friendship over reasons unknown to me. That I can spot when I do things that hurt others, and for the Holy Spirit to testify with mine, that I may fix anything I've done wrong. That I may apologize for any wrongs I have committed against friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ. That others may come to the same realization that we shouldn't let the devil get a foothold and drive a wedge in-between our friendships. Praying for them continuously. Praying for me, too. Wisdom. The right words. The right timing.
Back to:
That picture, those problems my dark cloud right now.
The silver lining? I'm growing closer to God, as I depend on Him more and more to fill that sorrow with joy. I'm growing closer to a special lady, as I share my hurt, and receive advice, and prayers. I'm growing closer to my sister, who is younger, but has always been the one to protect me and our other sister. I'm growing. That's my silver lining. :) It's much prettier to look at than the dark cloud, but without the dark cloud, there would have been no silver lining.

To Save A Life

We watched the movie To Save A Life last night at church. It really touched my heart. Well, actually it punched it. Touched is too gentle of a word.
The movie summary is this: Two young boys are best friends growing up, and one day, while walking down their road, one of them, Jake, is about to be hit by a car, when the other, Roger, heroically pushes him out of the way and takes his place. Roger is left with a crippled leg, and a limp, while Jake goes on to be soccer star as a kid, then big shot basketball star in high school. He starts to blow off Roger for parties and his girlfriend Amy, in their freshman year of high school. Fast forward to senior year. Roger and Jake don't ever talk. Jake never ever stands up for Roger when he sees people picking on Roger, for the very act that caused Roger to be crippled. The very act that saved his life. Roger comes to school with a gun. Shoots 3 holes in the ceiling. Jake goes to him and tries to talk to him. Roger shoots himself... Jake goes to the funeral. The pastor notices him, and comes up to him after Jake wins the last basketball game of the season. Gives him his card. Jake goes to party with his girlfriend. Gets drunk. Cops come. His girlfriend steals his truck. His friends ditch him, and he calls the pastor Chris for a ride. The next morning, he goes to church, and joins in Chris' youth group. Jake begins to change. Amy leaves him, saying he's "acting weird." Meanwhile, he is saved, and baptized, with his big youth group, full of friends nearby. They sit together at lunch, hang out, and become close. He makes good friends with a guy named Jonny, who cuts himself, and was close to Roger before he passed. Then, his parents, with their unstable relationship, decide to get a divorce. Amy tells him she is pregnant, and plans to abort the baby. He goes to Chris to talk, and the preacher of the church's son, (who also smokes marijuana) overhears. He spreads the rumors all over school.  Jake becomes angry at God, and his youth friends, and blows off Jonny. He starts to realize he made mistakes, and talks Amy out of the abortion. They both begin to go to church, and decide on an open adoption with a couple that Chris recommends. The youth group begins to come together to support him, and his mom, at peace after the divorce, supports his decision to wait until the baby is born to go to his dream school, University of Louisville. Jonny won't answer calls, or texts, or anyone coming to his house. The head preacher's son bumps into him at school one day, and Jonny drops his phone. The kid picks it up, and makes a call to the police, saying there is a bomb threat. When police arrive all the kids are escorted out of the building, and the kid shows them pictures in Jonny's locker that Jonny drew, twisting their opinion to think that Jonny did it. Jake sees that Jonny is back at school as the cops are taking him away. He calls Jonny's phone and the head preacher's son answers it. Jake risks it all to run after the cop car, and prove that Jonny is innocent. He gets to it, just in time, as Jonny was about to overdose in the back of the car. Jake goes to the police station, where they took the kid responsible in. The kid who judged him, tried to ruin his girlfriend, and messed with his friends' heads. He sits with him, and talks to him. Talks Jesus to him, until his dad comes. The baby is born, and given to the couple in an open adoption. Jonny comes to Jesus, as well as the preacher's son, who before, was just wearing a "mask", acting like a Christian. Amy comes to Jesus as well, and Jake finally reconciles with his dad, as he heads to the University of Louisville.
Because of Roger's death, Jake learned a lot, and changed a lot. And many peoples lives' were affected and changed by these changes. Like a ripple effect.








There is song by The Fray called "How To Save A Life"
Here are some lyrics.
"Step one, you say we need to talk.
He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk...
And  I pray to God he hears you.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life."

How many times have we judged somebody? How many times have we looked at someone and gone, "Nope, not talking to them." Or made fun of someone for no reason, other than to make ourselves feel better. Or, SAW someone get picked one, HEARD them get made fun of, and done nothing?
How many times have we heard or seen in someone's eyes, them crying, calling out for help, and we didn't do anything?...
How many friends of ours have gotten "good" at hiding how they really feel?

I have a friend. Not saying names. But I can tell their story.
They were bullied. Picked on. Hurt by people they didn't even know, for reasons also unknown. Just. Because. They. Could. This person's self-esteem was virtually destroyed. Why? So these people would feel better about themselves. I doubt they even remember my friend. They don't know the effects I still see. I would have transfered schools for this person. Stood up for them. Walked with them to every single class. If I'd have only known. But I didn't. I didn't ask. I didn't notice the signs. Didn't know they were depressed. They're getting better. I see more smiles everyday... I just wonder if I couldn't have helped them sooner. Saved them from the damage.


Didn't know any of this!

•  An estimated 80% of all those who commit suicide give some warning of their intentions or mention their feelings to a friend or family member.

• 70% of suicides occur between the hours of 3 p.m. to midnight (when they could be saved).

• For every completed suicide there are an estimated 30 to 50 attempts.

• About 20 percent of teens will experience teen depression before they reach adulthood. 

• Most teens with depression will suffer from more than one episode. 20 to 40 percent will have more than one episode within two years, and 70 percent will have more than one episode before adulthood. Episodes of teen depression generally last about 8 months.

Didn't know this either...
What to look for:

• sadness or hopelessness
• irritability, anger, hostility
• tearfulness or frequent crying
• withdrawal from friends or family
• loss of interest in activites
• changes in eating and sleeping habits
• restlessness and agitation 
• feelings of worthlessness or guilt 
• lack of enthusiasm or motivation
• fatigue or lack of energy
• difficulty concentrating
• thoughts of death or suicide

We've got to be a light in the dark. We've got to reach out, and talk to friends. Don't judge, that's not our job! Our job is this: Keep an eye on them. Stand up for them, and show them they aren't alone, and we love them! We can do this. We don't want to say, "If I had known.." Pray for them. Pray for God to show us the ones we should be looking out for. Let's share Jesus with everyone! Show Him to them in our actions, our words, our hearts, our eyes, our love for them. Jesus saves! Lay them at His feet. Be there for them, night and day. Listen to them and to Christ, and He will use you and give you the words.

National Hopeline Network: 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE)
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
My number: 972-825-6276

Shuffle. Shuffleshuffleshuffleshuffle!

I'm in a music mood. Listening to music, and my shuffle was on. Haha.

1. I Wanna Love Somebody Like You - Keith Urban
2.  How He Loves - John Mark McMillan (<3)
3. Fireflies - Owl City (pretty sure I had no idea I had this song?)
4. Mary Did You Know? - Reba McEntire (stinkin love this song)
5. Lukenbach Texas - Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson (again, I had no idea I had it lol)
6. THE MIDDLE - Jimmy Eat World (love.love.love.love.)
7. Here I Am To Worship - Third Day <3 
8. Barbed Wire Halo - Aaron Watson (makes me think of Great Paw-Paw and some of the men from Cowboy Church)
9. Delta Dawn - Tanya Tucker (yes, and I love this song. Me and Momma sing it sometimes.)
10. Mine - Taylor Swift
11. Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin 
12. Pour Some Sugar - Def Leppard (... Pretty sure this is one of my parent's songs. I'll jam anyways.)
13. Take Me Out to the Dancehall - Pat Green (makes me think of my dad)
14.  Mighty to Save - Hillsong United
15. Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks (hmm, they may be banned still, but I stinkin love this song)
16. Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash (such a great voice!!!)
17. Brass Monkey - Beastie Boys (hahahhahahahahaha)
18. Beauty and the Beast - Celine Dion (one of my favorites EVER. seriously wish I could have this song played at my wedding one day. I mean, if the "beast" wouldn't mind. I'm kidding! Kind of.)
19. I Can Only Imagine - Mercy Me (no words for this one. I can only imagine, though, Lord.)
20. Stupid Boy - Keith Urban (love it)
21. This I Gotta See - Jason Aldean (I want to hear someone sing me this song one day. ;))
22. Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) - Chris Tomlin
23. Benny and the Jets - Elton John (need I say more?)
24. Lost in This Moment With You - Big and Rich (<3)
25. While You Were Sleeping - Casting Crowns (I don't want to be "sleeping")
26. When The Stars Go Blue - Tim McGraw (another song I love)
27. Yours and Mine - Kyle Park 
28. CRAZY GIRL - ELI YOUNG BAND :)
29. Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse 
30. Alleluia To The Lamb - Kari Jobe 
31. You'll Always Be Beautiful - Blake Shelton :)
32. God of This City - Chris Tomlin (this one brings back memories and a few tears sometimes. Just being awestruck by God.)
33. Thug Story (bahaha) - Taylor Swift and T-Pain
34. Boondocks - Little Big Town (that one brings back memories too; really, really, really funny ones)
35. Pictures of You - The Last Goodnight <3 (definately one of my favorite songs to make a slideshow to!!! And just to JAM to.)
36. Forever Young - Alphaville (:))
37.  Calabria - Enur (great dance/mix song!)
38. Chariot - Gavin DeGraw (awesome song)
39. Who Are You When I'm Not Looking - Blake Shelton
40. Stand - Rascal Flatts (my song for hard times)
41. Open the Eyes of My Heart - Mercy Me
42. The Right Kind of Wrong - Leann Rimes (she has an awesome voice)
43. Sweet Child of Mine - Guns and Roses
44. She's Got It All - Kenny Chesney <3
45. Sharped Dressed Man - ZZ Top (hahaha yeahhhh :))
46. I Could Sing of Your Love Forever - Mercy Me (I really like their songs.)
47. Breathe - Anna Nalick (friend loaded this one. It's great all the same.)
48. Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore (I stinkin love her. Great actress, great singer! I especially like this song and the movie it was recorded for!)
49. May Angels Bring You In (What Would You Think) - Jimmy Eat World = <3
50. I'll Be - Edwin McCain (I honestly can't explain WHY I like this song so much except that it was in A Cinderella Story while they were dancing in the Wedding Scene, and it was perfect. That, and I'd love for my future wedding gown to look like the one Hillary Duff wore.

There are soooo many more. These were the first 50.
I love music. I love to worship through it. I love to laugh through it. I love to cry through it. I love to REMEMBER through it. I love to sing it, make it, help make it.
I love music.

Sticky Notes and Happiness.

What's made me happy lately is:

• Sweet messages from a friend, who normally doesn't send them. Normally he picks on me. But in a brotherly way. He said "I'm sorry I've been picking on you and tearing you down, when I could be building you up." He told me I had a big heart. Made my "big heart" really happy, and my eyes a little wet.
• It's one of my favorite ladies' birthday, and she works sooo hard, so her and her family decided to take an impromptu trip to the beach, and she is loving every minute. She deserves it. 
• Movies! Transformers 3, Winnie the Pooh!, Harry Potter, and manyyy more. This is a great summer for movies. I recently have watched Forrest Gump, The Notebook, Just Friends, Father of the Bride part 1 & 2. And that's just a few.
• Sticky notes. Believe it or not, these little things are awesome. And come wayyyy in handy. Reminders, sweet notes, and all kinds of inside jokes. :) 
• The play lists on my iPod. Talk about some memories through songs. An "old" song comes on and I'm taken back. Good times.
• Pictures make me happy. If I'm not taking them, I'm talking about them; If I'm not talking about them, I'm thinking about them. I LOVE seeing something and thinking, "Hey, that would make a great picture. I could TOTALLY see some amazing pictures coming out of this or that." I'm ready, sooo ready for my first DSLR, so I can get to learning.
• College makes me happy. NOT all the paper work and stupid stuff that goes into it, but knowing that God is saying, "Come here. It's wonderful. Not too far from home, not too close. Not too big, not too small. It's just right. Come here, child. It's home." I knew it was home when I stepped onto campus the first time. I knew I was going to be ok. I love it when His plan comes together. My sweet Lord knew what He was doing. .
• New phones: Can't waittt to get mine. My current phone's been cracked for forever and a day. NEED the new one. :) 
• My church. See, I'm tearing up just thinking about leaving my youth group, and family at CCOE. I'll be going to Cowboy Church of Erath County, but honestly, this has been home. For 4 years. I'm gonna MISS it, and everyone in it. I'll be back often, but not as often as I'd like. You see, I have to apply for year round housing. Once I leave, I'll be working, living, studying, pretty much breathing Stephenville. 
• Stephenville: my new home. :)
• My momma. Oh gosh, I think THAT honestly, will be the hardest part of moving away. Leaving her. I'm gonna call her ALOT. And send her goofy pictures of me. And stupid emails while she's trying to work. I know I'm gonna cry, but its time to leave the coop, little birdy.
• My Lord. He never EVER ceases to amaze me. The work of His hands touch my soul in a way nothing else can. His plans amaze me. Always. He is so loving, so kind, so gentle, so perfect! He bestowed His grace and love on me! I see: an undeserving, selfish, rude, small-hearted little child. He sees: a forgiven, saved, lovely, blessed little child of His. I don't deserve it, but thank you, Lord. For Your son, for Your willingness to always forgive. 70 x 7 times and more. Thank you for loving me soo much as to design a plan and purpose for me, and allowing me to have the people and blessings that I have in my life. I am blessed Lord, and all the glory goes to you.

I'm gonna go leave my mommy a sticky note.
 I'm gonna go write my sweet friend a sticky note.
      I'm gonna go write one for each of my beautiful baby sisters.
           And I'm gonna write one for my Lord, and leave it in Our special place. :)

Forgiving

Forgiving. I have always had a hard time with this. Yep, I'm good at holding my cool and my tongue up until a certain point. And then, I pretty much crack. I can only take so much before I lose it. I'm not totally sure if I ever had marbles to lose. I pray and have been praying for patience, peace in my heart, and wisdom for things that have been happening my whole life, and things that have happened in the past, and present. I wasn't feeling better about anything though. THEN, (and this is my ah-ha moment) I read something. Well, somethings. And I realize, I had it ALL WRONG... Again. There are certain situations and things going on in my life that I don't blab all over the place about. These verses have helped me realize that even IF these people and situations stay the way they are, IF no apologies are ever made, IF no wrongs are ever righted, I WILL be ok.
(Romans 12:14) Bless those who persecute you; bless, and don’t curse.
(1 Peter 3:8-9) Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
(Luke 11:4) Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. Bring us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
(Matthew 6:14-15) For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 18:21-22) Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?” Jesus said to him, "“I don’t tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven." (By the way, that is 490 times. And we're supposed to always forgive. Over 490 times; over 1,000; over 1,000,000 times.)
And the last one I read, but certainly not the least:
Luke 6:27-37) “But I tell you who hear: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. To him who strikes you on the cheek, offer also the other; and from him who takes away your cloak, don’t withhold your coat also. Give to everyone who asks you, and don’t ask him who takes away your goods to give them back again.“As you would like people to do to you, do exactly so to them. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive back as much. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing back; and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind toward the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, even as your Father is also merciful. Don’t judge, and you won’t be judged. Don’t condemn, and you won’t be condemned. Set free, and you will be set free."
It wasn't that I was holding a grudge, I wasn't bad-talking, disrespecting, ignoring, or treating others badly. I just wasn't forgiving the people who have and had done these things, and other things to me. The Lord really opened up to me that in order to be set free from those past and present situations, people, feelings, and to be able to focus solely on Him, I had to forgive others first. So, it took awhile, because of my stubborness, but I have forgiven, and in turn, been forgiven again. And again and again. Because I have an amazing Lord, who is always ready to forgive, and forget. We just have to follow His example and do the same.

I Know That You Are For Me

I love this song. She is an amazing singer, and she really pours her heart out to God in her songs. I got to see her in concert once and I was crying, praising, singing the whole time.
So I thought I'd share.
The link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbSMfL5LuSo&t=50s

God is Love!

Ever heard it said, God IS love? Well, not only does God love us, and allows us to love others, and show them Him through that love, but He IS love.
There are 4 different types of love, from the Greek words: eros, phila, storge, and agape.
Eros love is the romantic love, created by God to be between a husband and wife, as a picture of Christ and His Bride, the church.
Phila love is friendly, brotherly love. As friends, and brothers and sisters of Christ are supposed to love each other.
Storge love is the love of a parent and offspring. It is a family, patient, understanding love.
Agape love is the strongest, deepest love. It is unconditional, and unexplainable. It is the way God feels about us. Unconditional, because He loves us no matter what. Unexplainable, because we did not do, and cannot do anything to deserve it. We are saved, and loved, through grace by faith, after professing and believing in Jesus Christ, who came and died for our sins.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Now, I just told you God IS love, and He is.
"God is patient, God is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He does not dishonor others, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails."
WOW! The first time I ever read it like that, my heart did a flip. Soooo amazing. For those that have been saved, God is these things and so much more! He is patient and kind and not easily angered at us, even when we are too "preoccupied" to pray, or take the time to be still and listen. He does not keep a record of wrongs against us once we have been forgiven. "And now why are you waiting? Arise and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on the name of the Lord." -Acts 22:16. He cast our sins away as far at the East is from the West when we humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness. He always protects, trusts, hopes for and perseveres for His Children. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10. He is always there. GOD NEVER FAILS! Hold onto that, cling to it.
God is love. He loves us. "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16.
The ultimate sacrifice. God gave His son, and Jesus gave His life, so that we might believe and have eternal life, reiging in Heaven with Him forever. Just because they loved us. So shouldn't we show others that kind of love? GOD IS LOVE. Spread the philo love, and spread God's word.