Forget

I held it in for the longest time. Only a few people ever knew what you said. Only a few ever saw, with their own eyes, your messages from your number that night. That you told me, who had miscarried less than 2 months ago, that I didn't love my child. That you would be praying for the baby, since I "didn't care to". You knew NOTHING. I cried myself to sleep for the LONGEST time. Every night. During the day. When I saw someone pregnant or holding a baby, it hurt my heart. I prayed for God to hold my baby and tell them about me since I couldn't. To tell them how much I loved them, thought about them all the time, every day, and how I would have traded places in a heartbeat if that's what it took to keep my child alive. I would have sacrificed anything and everything to keep my child with me. God had a different plan. His will be done. I didn't understand it, and still don't, but I've since made my peace with Him. We aren't made to understand what He does/allows to happen. I've allowed Him to heal that part of my heart and accept that God has other plans for me But the words that you said, that you text? Cannot be unseen. Cannot be unheard. I forgave you. When I told you I did, I meant it. But, when someone says your name, or when I see you, I can't forget it. Some people say forgive and forget. Others say forgive but never forget. Don't ask why I can't, I don't know. I wish I could, then I would never have to relive those words, those feelings in that moment again. But they're there. I can't forget.